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Womyn Aware Advice

Womyns'Ware writes an advice column which has appeared in various print publications and on-line magazines. Ask us a question and you many find your answer appearing in the next edition of Womyn Aware. The past columns are here so you can bring yourself up to date.


Dear Womyn Aware, Can you tell us all about lube? Who needs it? Why is it important? Please tell all!

Signed, Reader's Digest Journalist

Let's go through the questions one by one!

•When do women need to use lube? E.g., only when they experience vaginal dryness or anytime?

We're not going to say women ever NEED to use lubricants but we will say that lubrication makes everything more enjoyable! We'd also say: "Why focus on women?" Lubricants are gender neutral and can be used with or without a partner. What they do is enhance sexual friction by eliminating dryness (and road rash, so to speak)! We accessorize so much of what we do, why in the world would or should we shy away from accessorizing something as important as sexual intimacy!

Many questions about "women" are often more about media attention on "issues", like vaginal dryness ... so let's talk about it next. Vaginal dryness is a term that’s tossed around quite a bit and it tends to make us feel like it’s used to describe a “dysfunction”.  We prefer to think of vaginal dryness as either a state of pre-arousal or a symptom caused by diet, a health issue, hormonal changes or medication. All of us humans need to be aware of our hydration needs as we age and from what we’ve noticed in our own lives, we struggle to keep up on fresh water intake and  tend to double up on the coffee so hydration is a big issue. Further, women’s signs of arousal take longer to appear than men’s so we often feel under pressure to hurry up and lubricate! Lube can help us to drop that concern and give us the head space to let nature take its course.

With hormonal changes our whole body is experiencing what we refer to as a second puberty! Our hormones are all over the place and so we think our sexual response can vary. Lube can be a lovely tool to support bridging those less than fluid moments. Lastly, if we are suffering medical conditions and or undergoing radiation or Chemo treatments or if we are on medications that may cause vaginal dryness then lubrication is a god send. It is really encouraging when we see women fighting cancers and or other life impacting illnesses who grab hold of their sexuality to embrace full body wellness. Lube plays a big role in their lives.

•Do women use lube enough in your opinion? If not, why not? Please dispel any myths.

Again, we don’t think women need to use lube but wedo think that some women feel conflicted about using lubricant. The myth being if you use lubricant you aren’t creating enough of your own lubrication. It’s interesting because natural lubrication is great and it can become enhanced when adding an additional layer of lubrication. It enhances what is already working! Again we can use a hydration analogy. We produce our own saliva and if we eat enough fruits and vegetables we probably don’t need to drink glasses of water but on a hot day or after some vigorous exercise a stop at the water fountain is really enjoyable. And there are some very practical applications that folks don't want to talk about but would like to know the solution to, such as lubricant cushioning the impact of "5 o'clock shadow". People often focus so much on "technique" when a simple accessory like lubricant can alleviate performance anxiety with a few teaspoons! What's enough? You'll know when you try what's enough for any given sexual activity and any given coupling!

•What are the lube options available? What are silicone lubicrants? What are the main ingredients; common brands; merits; downsides. What about specific lube-toy pairings?

There are quite a few silicone lubricants on the market-Pjur Eros, Better Sex Essentials, Toko to name a few. The ingredients in silicone lubricants are usually a combination of some not very sexy sounding compounds-Dimethicone, Dimethiconol, and Cycolmethicone; the latter two are derivatives of sand and the first acts to stabilize emulsions. The only toys you can not pair up with silicone lubricants are silicone toys! Silicone will bind to silicone and can over a period of time create a layer of silicone that is rather unattractive. Added tip: silicone lubricants make excellent body massage tools. Most are non-staining (fabric), odourless, and unlike oil-based massage products, they won't clog up your pores. 

•What are water based lubricants? What are the main ingredients; common brands; merits; downsides. What about specific lube-toy pairings? What about glycerin?

Water based lubricants are created with a myriad of ingredients, glycerin being a common ingredient. There is a lot of discussion around glycerins and parabens in shampoo and conditioners, body lotions and cosmetics so it is natural to bring that analysis into all of the body products that you use. It is impossible for us to say that a glycerin or paraben free lubricant is better than one with because each lubricant is different and each body responds to these ingredients differently. That is why Womyns'Ware makes sure to carry lubes with and with out these ingredients. Where one person loves the texture of the lube with glycerin another feels strongly that they need to avoid glycerin; we want people to make the choice that feels right for them.

One thing that should be noted is that the personal lubricants we carry rate extremely low on the Skin Deep cosmetic safety reviews; if we were a big box drug store we’d have the same attitude and would carry body products that rated low on the toxicity side because all of us here are very aware of the toxics we are exposed to on a daily basis-why add unnecessary evils if we don’t need to!

The great thing about water based lubes is that they come in a wide range of consistencies ranging from silky liquid to a gel cushion and they can be used with all types of toys. There are lots of brands to choose from. The ones we’ve selected include Hathor, Toko, Liquid Silk, Maximus, Probe silky light and Probe thick and rich. Slippery Stuff comes in a liquid and a gel as does Better Sex Essentials--these are both glycerin free.

Again, all water based lubes are toy and condom compatible. Glycerin does not play a role in compatibility. And of course, sources of glycerin can vary - when we do stock a lube with glycerin, it's a vegetable derivative.

•What about Organic or preservative-free lubricants? What are the main ingredients; common brands; merits; downsides. Is there any evidence these are safer than the other kinds? How can you be sure they are truly "organic"? Does organic make a difference when choosing which lube to use with which toy?

The organic industry is an interesting one since anything that is made out of organic matter can be called organic! That said just as in the food industry there are producers who choose to become certified (this is a hot topic right now so we're not speaking in support of or against the certification process,  we're  just recognizing it as a tool for communication!) and there are degrees of “organic” in that some producers are transitioning towards Certification, their product is currently being produced under Organic farming principles but has yet to meet certification guidelines for the most part due to the length of time they’ve been practicing Organic means.

For the most part lubricant manufacturers who choose to work with certified organic ingredients will include this information in their marketing material. There are a few out there and for a while there we had a good selection however currently we only carry Hathor because it best meets our buying principles of being locally produced in a cottage industry setting. It does not make sense to us to introduce competing brands that are produced en masse and available in big box stores.

There is no evidence that they are safer but then again there is not a lot of research money going into studying sexual health products! We’ve been the Whistle Blowers for going on 16 years and it is only recently that we’ve seen the big players in the “adult novelty” industry start to make changes.

The best advice we have for people looking into purchasing a lubricant is to know what you are allergic to-for instance if you are allergic to Aloe Vera you will not respond well to a lube that is 100% organic aloe based! If you don’t know where your sensitivities lie do some experimenting. We offer a couple of lube kits that come with a selection of lubes to try. Once you find a lube you like...stick with it!

Hathor is great because they freely publish their full list of ingredients for people to explore, their non flavored lube-Hathor Pure’s ingredient list includes De-ionoized water, acacia gum, vegetable propylene glycol (kosher glycol that is derived from canola and safflower oils-NOT the anti freeze ingredient!) jujube zizyphus, siberian ginseng, horny goat weed and ascorbic acid. Totally toy safe!

•What about Novelty lubricants (including flavoured; warming; couples lube; lube patch)? What are the main ingredients; common brands; merits; downsides. Any sex toys work best w. these lubes? ALSO: do these contain potentially aggravating chemicals that can trigger vaginal sensitivity and/or yeast infections? Finally, how are novelty lubricants different from arousal gels?

The warming and or cooling lubricants are all the rage as well ... for the moment it seems that some Marketers feel people will consider a sexual product only if it has some gimmick attached to it. We think those in that side of the industry are under-estimating the average couple. Just like food products, there will always be someone adding some "bells and whistles" in an attempt to gain market share of shelf space.

While the idea sounds like it has potential the lubes can actually cause aggravation for many. There are people who say that they enjoy them and that’s cool; we err on the side of caution. Most of these lubricants contain Mentholated ingredients. The nature of these ingredients is to leach moisture and it is the drying sensation that creates the hot/cold sensation. Interestingly enough when you try to wash it off you only fuel the fire! More water...more moisture to leach!
Maybe we're bringing in a little too much detail here but trust us when we say...not sexy!

Vaginal sensitivity would be a concern for us where mentholated products are concerned but we're not sure we'd link them to yeast infections. Yeasts are usually connected to lubricants with sugars (some flavored lubes use actual fermented sugars) or possible oil based lubricants that can end up creating a layer similar to Saran Wrap, making it difficult for the natural flora and fauna to do their jobs.

From what we gather the arousal gels are just concentrated versions of the warming/cooling lubes. They are usually sold in tiny vials with a printed warning to use sparingly! Suffice it to say we don’t go there. Use "sparingly" should be translated to mean don't put it on your genitals, which then leaves one to wonder, why is it being promoted for sexual use?! We’d say the most popular brand of "added gimmick lube" on the market is the K-Y His and Hers line up - to be clear, this is not a brand we are promoting, it's a brand that is heavily promoting itself.

We were getting a lot of pressure from our customers to come up with a warming lubricant and our suggestion to simply warm the lubricant up by placing the bottle in a pot of hot water for a few minutes before use (or put it in the fridge for a cooling sensation) was falling on deaf ears so we finally found a warming lube we could stand by. Melt is a warming lubricant that uses Cinnamon to create a warming sensation. It’s not nearly as dramatic as a mentholated burn but it is a nice warm sensation and if Cinnamon is not an allergy issue it’s a good alternative! Melt is a water based lube and is toy safe.

•Lastly: what is the best way to use/apply lube? Are there any tricks or tips? The best way to use lube?

Use freely and use often! Seriously, the best way to use lubrication is to use it when you feel like some friction reduction might be beneficial...maybe you don’t have a lot of time and you want to jump from A-Z quickly? Lube is your friend. Maybe you want to plan a long luxurious evening with your love? Lube can help to extend what your body is currently capable of! Maybe you just like the extra slip? It’s your call. The only thing we think might be a concern is using too much. Too much (and I'm talking a puddle) lube is just messy and wasteful, that said who are we  to judge?






Dear Womyn Aware, I feel like I’m searching for unicorns when it comes to the G-Spot. Can you tell me EXACTLY what I’m looking for? And if I find my G-Spot…then what?

Signed, G-What?

It’s too bad that GPS doesn’t stand for “G-Spot Positioning System”. Luckily, we’ve come up with our own navigation system that looks like this:

1) Let your fingers do the searching or in this the case, the stroking. Fingers will point out what feels good and what doesn't. What exactly are your fingers searching for? We like to think of it as where "Velvet meets Corduroy". The G-Spot feels different and has a spongy ribbed texture.

2) Since you are using your fingers anyway, why not use them to flip through the pages of a great book? We recommend Female Ejaculation and the G-Spot by Deborah Sundahl. There are many books on the subject but we're happy to feature this one because in general, the tone is straight forward and the diagrams are good...and it's written by a woman who has a G-Spot and we like that kind of street cred!

3) Once you have discovered your G-Spot, it's time to play! Time for Toys, Toys, Toys! And you know how we love our toys, plus your fingers, they've now run their course and used up their repetoir, time for some accessories!

We’ll start with a special use dill, Golly Gee, which in our opinion, is THE fundamental G-Spot toy. Golly Gee is firm enough to keep the pressure on and it’s ridges will effectively stimulate and stroke. By it’s lonesome, Golly Gee works with two fingers inserted into the bullet cavity and allows for lots movement and manipulation but if you prefer vibration over a manual massage, just pop a Mini Pearl in there!

Another option: Many people appreciate Curve's longer penetrative reach, with the handle acting as an arm extension. Curve features graceful contours with a built-in handle and exaggerated lip thus giving you the advantage to manipulate the toy easily for stroking and thrusting. That means you'll be able to reach and stimulate the G-Spot without having to be a contortionist! Up to now we've discussed the Curve as a great solo toy...which it is BUT the Curve is also a great couple's toy because that handle really does act as an extension of the arm to eliminate discomfort and tennis elbow!

Next on the list... rigid toys such as Crystal Wand or pure njoy: Users have two ends to choose from and of course a narrower diameter. The density of these toys allows the user to keep the pressure on! Plus the handle makes upward stroking a breeze.

The Dream Boat is one of the toys that Vibratex put out in their "My G" series. Its angled head and short shaft are designed to put pressure on "the spot" and the vibration modes allow the user to play with the pulsations to find what works for them! The short bursts of power mimic the stroking action and the fact that it's the only remote controlled vibrator that has passed our purchasing requirements makes it a winner from the get go!

Other top "ranked" G spot toys include Ridge Rider: Similar to our fundamental pick, but with embedded electronics and a longer reach. Gigolo: Angled head and embedded electronics, Groove: the Happy Valley dual whose "givin' it" side is angled to contact the G-Spot! Note that the vibe cavity sits directly under the short side to send vibration up!

Hope this 3-Step guide gets you excited to resume the hunt! Thanks for writing in instead of giving up!
Dear WomynAware,

I have a few questions I hope you'll help me answer: I'm an owner of a lovely Rock Your World/Rabbit vibe and I'm wondering if using high stimulation vibes can lead to a desensitization over time. When I initially used it I could get off in less then 10 minutes - recently it's taking me longer. Is there a physiological component to this?

I recognize that I'm possibly just getting lazier with it :-). Will this impact orgasming with a partner? This is the stuff they should teach in high school Sex Ed ... I'm also interested in building a collection. Is there any difference/recommendation in other types of vibes then the duals - or is it all encompassing?

Thanks a ton,
Signed, No Longer Rocking My World Vibrations


Downgrading your vibe rating from Rock Your World, to Great-Good-Okay-Meh Vibrations could be related to a number of things ... For starters it might be that when you first used your toy the batteries were fresh and full of power, over time they have lost juice and are not working at peak.

Like you said...the novelty might have worn off! Just like all sexual relationships the beginning is hot and heavy based on the fact that it’s new and different; once you “get used” to things the “hot” factor loses intensity and you have to work at creating that “old feeling”.

Good thing is you are on the right track...a collection is a good idea so that you can give your Rock your World some “breathing space”, you might want to consider the Clit Capsule which offers a different kind of clitoral stimulation during penetration—it’s got lovely nubs that you can lubricate, and you can use it with or without vibration—or the Curve which has no vibration and relies on G-spot pressure and clitoral stroking to achieve stimulation.

You might want to consider working with a vibrator that has multiple vibration intensities and patterns such as the Lily and the Nea, and you may even want to explore with nipple stimulation to take it to another level.

There are lots of things to try and many ways to orgasm with or without a partner and the more you expose yourself to your own “special favorites” the more you will be able to share with your partner when the opportunity arises.

As far as becoming “dependant” on a vibrator: Consider a person who relies on coffee to wake up in the morning; you may feel “lazy” and want to go for the quick approach to orgasm BUT sometimes a morning jog and a brisk shower offers revitalization coffee can only dream of offering. Likewise, your orgasmic self will always enjoy a good old fashioned evening of good food, romance and passionate sex!

Thanks for bringing your concerns to us and feel free to ask more specific questions about your collection options.

Dear Womyn Aware,

I don’t understand why you have such a large harness selection. With the advent of “harness free” double dildo options like Groove and Feeldoe, why wear a harness? Aren’t harnesses “old school”? Kind of like a Beta tape version of Bend Over Boyfriend?

Signed, Harnesses Are For Old Ladies
Harnesses aren’t ready for retirement just yet! There is still a lot of bang for the buck to come out of an old school rig of Dill and Harness (even though the doubles you mention make handy vacation and quickie toys when one doesn’t want to pack all their gear).

For instance, harnesses are ideal for those who want more control and the freedom to “shake that thang”. While the harness-free options look cool, and allow for the missionary position due to their angle, they don’t allow for much movement on the “givers’ “side and they can become downright awkward once you move out of missionary mode.

Consider the “bend over boyfriend” scenario: you’ve got your Groove fitted in place and you’ve got your boy bent over and you’ve been working for a minute and you get a leg cramp. What ta do? You can’t very well open your stance…you’ll lose grip of your harness-free rig OR your shaft will start to bend about and you’ll risk popping out or worse, lose sight of what direction you were headed to! It could get messy. Had you been wearing a harness you would have been able to do a squat thrust and not miss a beat!

Or picture you and your gal working that missionary position and she suggests spicing it up by standing up, only she’s taller than you and you need to get up on a stool just to reach. You get up on that stool (which is kind of shaky) and you discover that you need to put one foot on the floor to stabilize yourself. What ta do? You can’t very well drop that foot because the very pressure of your thighs together is what helps you control your harness-free double dill shaft. Again, if you’d been wearing a harness you could have “hit that thang”.

Long story short, harnesses are not defunct. They are still very much a part of getting down with the Dildos. And there’s nothing wrong with learning from the “Old Ladies” because some things just get better with age!

Dear Womyn Aware,

The prostate gland seems to be getting some air time recently…so I figured I’d ask you folks to delve a little into what you can recommend to give the boy a tickle. What’s up for down there?

Signed, Mining for Gold  
We like that expression - “give the boy a tickle” - thanks for adding it to our arsenal! Now on to your question, the following designs are well suited for Prostate stimulus and beyond:

Miss Bliss is an ideal vibrating anal toy. It’s silicone; it comes in two sizes (entry level and Oh I like that!) Its shaft is smooth while the bulb on the end can be applied directly on the prostate (or G-spot if being used vaginally!) Anally the “tickler” acts both as a flange so there is no possibility of the toy heading north indefinitely and a testicle stimulator! Miss Bliss is a very accommodating toy!

Our very own Butt Seriously is a silicone anal vibrator in a dimension that even a novice can love. It has a head so when you give up control and let your partner manipulate the toy you won't have unexpected pop-outs. A textured shaft gives some resistance that keeps the stimulation interesting. Silicone is a great conductor so the vibration is pronounced. Since the electronics can be easily removed, you can clean and sterilize the silicone shaft and share the experience between users. Makes a nice penetrative toy for those who actually enjoy “The plunging finger” (you had to be there…no really), or paired with a Swinger’s Pad it can stimulate both the clit and the butt, seriously!

Bender is a swank little guy. Check out his elegant “come hither” form, his dashing metallic hue, talk about slick! Bender is designed to allow for a gentle entry and introduction to girth and is angled to apply pressure on the spots that are hard to reach. Looking for something a little more engaging? Try pushing past the curved shaft and you’ve got a plug! Add a vibe and you’ve got P-Spot action all day!

The Snuggle-Puss features a smooth shaft and a wonderfully fun curve. The base makes it suitable for anal or vaginal use. Excellent for prostate stimulation and it’s a good G-spot toy too. Finally something for the whole family to enjoy! Again, because it is silicone it’s okay to share ... of course it needs to be cleaned between users and uses but it will not harbour bacteria after it has hit some hot water and soap!

The Gen 2+ vibrating Stubby has a lovely curved tip, smooth undulating ridges (use more lube!) and a flanged base making it a great toy for those who are looking for some girth, a handle (hands fit nicely under the action above the flange!) and the turbo jet vibration option! Good for use in wet environments to boot!

Bootie and Buddy for those who are not sure they are ready for that tickle. They are small, smooth, angled just right , and easy on the wallet…good if you are thinking about it but are leaning more towards EEEK! Than YEAH!

The Dream Boat has a shape that is suitable for an anal plug (though you will have to choose your use and stick with the use or user chosen as Dream Boat’s outer composite is Elastomer which is a safe quality material but not a material suitable for multiple uses or users). Of course, the remote operation has its own appeal in controlling the tempo. Should this toy be selected for anal use the Adult Toy Cleaner should tag along to give it a deep clean so it’s raring to go a couple more rounds!

Hope these ideas are sufficient to get your started on your mining expedition. Thanks for asking us!


Dear Womyn Aware,

I bought an innovative sex toy with all the bells and whistles, it was highly recommended in National Media too, but it did nothing for me. I tried it the other night. I wasn’t aroused ... that’s what the toy is for! I used it because I’m tired of having sex with my husband (though I love him dearly) and I thought the toy would help. Do you have a different toy to recommend that will add the lust back into my love?

Signed, Lacking in Lust  

Being “tired of having sex with [someone]” and trying to enjoy sex when you don’t even want to be having sex are issues beyond the responsibility of a sex toy! A sex toy does not replace arousal or interest. It is not able to conjure up lust from a well of lack luster. In order for a sex toy to work there has to be at least a desire for it to work, even if only at the subconscious level. Before blaming the toy and searching for a “better” one, it’s important to recognize that a sex toy is a tool, not a magic wand. As a tool, sex toys can help to facilitate an outcome that a solo player, a couple, or multiple people want to see take place. The tool does not replace foreplay, kindness, passion, ambiance, consideration and respect. It simply takes an encounter that includes those elements to the next level! Kind of like gravy ... the mashed potatoes are great on their own but when you add the gravy…MMMMMMM!

So as a recommendation we’re going to say keep the toy that you invested in and add some books or games, any title from our Playful selection that appeals to you is a good choice. Use the books and games to find ways to develop a glimmer of lust, be it for solo play or with your love, then introduce the toy to the mix up. Realizing that your first step is to be interested in the outcome will be a good start.


Dear Womyn Aware,

I own a silicone dildo and I like it just fine but now that me and dildo have gotten to know each other for a while I can't help being interested in all of the toys that have more bells and whistles! The dual vibrators look fun and the pretty bullet vibes with all of their tickling sleeves seem like they could do the job (if you know what I mean).

But having invested in my dildo friend, I'm not sure I want to go somewhere completely different with a dual vibe. I guess it's a bit like a long term relationship ... I'm starting to wonder if Im missing out from being out of the dating scene but I like the predictable, reliable relationship I've got and don't want to invest too heavily on trying something new!

Is there anyway I can jazz up my favorite dildo friend to incorporate some of the tickling that the duals and the bullets seem to offer?

Signed, Dildo Doldrums  

First let us say good on you for standing by your favorite silicone dildo. Silicone dildos can enjoy a long solid life span when cared for properly and given a chance they can be quite versatile! You don't need to step out on old reliable to add some new vibes. Indeed, you can introduce a few benefits to create a friends with benefits.

Here are some add on products that will turn your old reliable into a refreshing friend:

(1) The Vibe a Guy - good for those who like the leather look and for those who like the warmth and skin-like feel of leather. It's also good for those who like the versatility of switching out the vibe for another style as their moods dictate!

(2) Then there is Blossom - it's pretty and pink, it has lots of area in the bloom for ultimate coverage and the vibe portion can be replaced or used in other toys at your discretion.

(3) Our very own Clit Berry is a great piece since not everyone wants to add vibration to their bits and this lovely little berry has bumps in all the right places and she's flexible to boot so she'll bend when she needs to bend and she'll give when the pressure's on!

(4) And if those aren't enough, take a look at our Swingers Pad, Liberty Bell, Nubbles and Eggstacy pouch for more inspiration. All of these products require a minimal investment to take your dildo to the next level while still staying true to your trusted penetrative partner.

Dear WomynAware;

What kind of person wants to have anal sex? Does anal sex turn men gay? What the heck does it turn women into?! Is there something wrong with their vaginas? What ways can typical, average couples play, without turing gay, while trying anal sex?

Signed, Call Me Butt Phobe If You Want To

We take it from your blunt series of questions (and your rather cheeky sign-off) that the idea is perhaps interesting maybe even exciting but fraught with fear and possibly moral issues, which would put you in the company of many. Will it hurt? Is it bad both in terms of my physical health and spiritual health? Will I lose touch with my sexual identity if I like it?

These fears are consistent in both men and women. And the curiosity in anal sex lies with both men and women. This is because any person who's sexual and follows their desire is going to eventually come around to wondering about the anus. If one is honest with themselves they have to admit that the thought has crossed their minds. It's not a mystery that the anus is an erogenous zone. And no, a sexual act doesn't turn someone gay. Uhhh ... if it did, there'd be a lot higher percentage of gays-to-straights!!! Does eating IKEA's Swedish meatballs make you a Swede? NO! The actions that you put your body through do not influence your sexual identity. If you are attracted to Smart cars because they are compact, efficient and innovative you are just not going to get turned on by a stretch Hummer no matter what.

If you are afraid of your interests, be honest with yourself and don't tie it down to a sexual act. If you find that nine times out of ten you are thinking about naked men and you find naked women as attractive as rocks you might be gay, otherwise you're just interested in expanding your erogenous zones past your penis.

Anal sex is sexual exploration that includes the anus. It can involve massaging, vibrating, licking, probing and yes penetrating as well, if desired. Who can do it? Men and Women can do it. Men with Men, Men with Women, Women with Men and Women with Women. Any one with an anus that is willing and able can do it. Now, keep in mind that sexual acts do not always turn out the way you imaged they might. Sometimes they are better and sometimes they just don't amount to much! At the very least, the attempt should leave you feeling like you had fun. This means making as many good choices as you can to get started.

The bum is full of fun for men. The prostate gland is the G spot for men! Full of nerve endings and pleasurable experiences AND then there is the "being receptive" bit. Men most often never get to experience being fully explored by their lovers be they men or women. Anal sex is an avenue to being receptive and open. Most women are aware that inviting "pleasurable" penetration involves trust, desire, and intimacy. Men do not usually get to be vulnerable like that in that they are usually focused on their outward being, everything externally motivated. Its an opportunity for a whole new level of sexual fulfillment.

It takes more physical concentration to condition the anus for penetration and that can be part of the intimacy and challenge that is enjoyable. One must slow down and connect with their partner. There must be open communication and trust that is established to ensure that the experience is pleasurable. That alone can enhance the sexual relationship that one shares.

What does it turn women into? Fully versed lovers. For women, it can be fun to be a giver! Its a new role, a position of power! Being externally focused and feeling responsible for anther persons comfort and pleasure can be empowering and can give one perspective on the lovers who have held this position in the past. After all, you have to know how to be a good lover to appreciate a good lover and to know what to look for if your lovers have not held up to your expectations in the past.

Is there something wrong with their vaginas? No. There is nothing wrong with their vaginas if they can experience penetration from a different perspective. Women bums are nice for women. Be it your bum or your partners bum! The rectum is full of nerve endings and can add another level to vaginal penetration. For women, its possible to orgasm from anal penetration alone or from being double penetrated (anal and vaginal) Putting pressure along the anal canal can create a more defined sense of fullness in the vagina that can be pleasurable.

The fact is, there is nothing wrong with their (or your) anus either. The anus really does get a bad rap. What's it ever done but work hard to keep you clean and healthy ... its the ultimate detox unit and it has to overcome so much to get a little attention!

Heres where were going to plug (no pun intended) the Butt Seriously. The Butt Seriously is a good toy to start anal experimentation with because it is non representational but functions much like "the real deal". This is a good thing for beginners because it may assuage some of the fears that men and women have about penises in bums! Butt Seriously is just large enough to get you past the "finger" stage and just small enough to not challenge your muscles beyond average fitness levels. Its useful with or with out a vibrator. It can operate as an extension of ones hand by placing your fingers in the vibrator cavity AND it can be "revved" up with the vibrator. The vibration may assist in arousal levels and help to relax the muscles much like a massage will. Its purple and that's a fun colour! This is important because the exploration should, as we mentioned earlier, be fun! Its got a wide base so it can be used in a harness for more "advanced" penetration modes and some role play reversal (everyone can be a giver). Its got a very nice density silicone so it can be made sterile and thus shared by all those combinations of folks we mentioned above.

Get a Butt Seriously and/or the Bootyful kit and see where these questions and answers take you.


Dear WomynAware;

Hi, I think your site is great and have a few friends in Vancouver who love your store. I was wondering if you could tell me your opinion of vinyl vibes? I wasn't sure if they would be considered "plastic" or what.
I bought some things at a home party, which, thanks to your site, I now know better than to use. Yikes! My friend is doing these parties and I have referred her to your site in hopes that she will mostly recommend silicone to her clients. So much jelly! And now that I look, so few of the products she sells even list what they are made of at all. They also sell products made of "Futureflesh". I am so cheesed, as this company bills itself as "helping" women.
From now on, I will shop with you alone. I've learned my lesson and just need to know what needs to be thrown away from my current collection.

Many thanks,

Signed, Vetting that Vinyl: vice or viable?

 

Thanks so much for your trust in us! It's kind of hard to answer your specific question without knowing WHAT model (name brand, maker, any packaging disclaimers or claims?) of vinyl toy you have. Vinyl can be a generic phrase to mean any number of varieties of man-made latex rubbers. Our opinion can range truly range from vice to viable, like this:

* gross
* mildly gross but can be used as a trial product as long as you use a condom and dispose of soon (though it'd be better for the planet if you experimented with fruits or vegetables!)
* acceptable but use a cleaner and never share users or uses and don't expect more than a year’s use.
* pretty good. Use a mild cleaner. Keep away from oils, other latex and vinyls, and you can expect a few year’s use ... don't share though!

As for "FutureFlesh", that sounds like a new name (or rebranding) for a material that is similar to "CyberSkin". Since the only research material we were able to find on FutureFlesh indicates that it can be dusted with cornstarch to maintain its surface, which is identical to the care instructions accompanying various CyberSkin products, our suspicion appears to be confirmed. For an overview of the deceptive practice of trademarking brand names to imply a trademarked composite (a composite , in turn, implying research and development into appropriate materials for use), take a look are our essay on "Snake Oil Sales Techniques".

Hope this is helpful!

WomynAware

Dear WomynAware;

I am the proud owner of a mini, bullet style vibe, which I purchased a while back, maybe one or two years (time flies when you're having fun ;) Recently however, a high pitched squealing noise has been coming from the bullet, rendering it anything but discrete. I noticed it some time ago and as a result stashed it away - it still vibes, but with the annoying high pitched sound.
Any suggestions as to what the problem is??

Signed, Vibes a Wasting

 

 

Dear Wasting,

In all likelihood, the problem is that it's wearing out. A vibrator works by spinning an out-of-balance weight, which makes the entire unit "wobble" like a washing machine with all the towels on one side of the tub, except a lot faster. That's the vibration. Running any motor with an unbalanced load will wear it out, sometimes very quickly. Obviously, we try to carry products that operate for years before wearing out, but they all wear out, even the finest plug-in products from reputable makers in industrial countries. Mechanically, the noise you describe might indicate a worn bearing or bushing, or a lack of lubrication. But this hardly matters, because it's essentially impossible to open up the bullet, service the motor, and seal it up again. ... that said, some of the tighter fitting vibe sleeves might help you enjoy your vibe awhile longer during its twilight years. The sleeves can act like both a muffler (dampen the sound) and a corset (dampen the wobble) for your vibe's bullet, as well as providing the added texture that the sleeves are primarily there for.

 



Dear WomynAware;

I so want to purchase one of your sex toys but I have a household of kids and they're in and out of my stuff all the time. The oldest is the worst for taking over what isn't his. What if my 9 year old finds my sex toys?! How am I going to explain it? What do I say?

Signed, Finders Keepers Losers Weepers

Well, what happens if your 9 year old finds you sex toys depends on just how creative your child is! To bring this all a little closer to home, I'd like to show you what two 9 year old boys did when they came across an old display vibrator (an old Hitachi Magic Wand) from the store. It is very inventive but hardly sexy unless you find R2D2 arousing! A really great conversation piece to say the least!
Can you picture an entire installation at the Art Gallery created in this medium?! In all seriousness it might serve you well to stop for a moment and reflect upon the fact that children are not as sexualized at we adults fear them to be. (Not withstanding those who have been violated ... and for those children who are in recovery we would suggest respecting their fragile state while still imparting wisdom and truth!) Adults who imagine the "worst" are the ones with the hang ups and preconceived adult ideas of what the worst case scenario is if your kid finds your sex toy.

When a child sees a discreet vibrator like the Lava Spot they see a cool sports car toy or a Star Trek phaser that hums! They might take it and play with it, but not in a sexual way and when you find and retrieve it, you clean it up and explain that it's from your personal collection of museum quality toys. Not for every day play. When kids see a bright blue Dolphin vibe or a Munchkin they see a colourful bath toy plain and simple. They have no reason to think that it "goes in" if you get our drift.

The answer to the question "What is this?" or more likely "Why do you have a bath toy, Mom?" can be as simple as "Just because I'm a grown up doesn't mean I don't ever play. Grown-ups ride bikes, don't they? The difference is that grown-up's bath toys are better quality because we've learned how to look after our toys and we're not going to out grow them. It is very expensive and I don't want you to play with it but if you want a dolphin toy for your bath we can pick one up the next time we are at the Kids-only market."

In short, your answer is the truth minus the information that you were not asked for. Say you don't want a discrete vibe or one that looks like a toy and your child does come across a realistic silicone dildo in a box under the bed, that still doesn't mean your child is going to have adult ideas about what it's there for. More than likely "Wow! That looks like a real penis ... cool!" is probably the first thing that crosses their mind. They might wonder who in their right mind would want a real penis kept in a box under the bed. And yes ... that could be an odd question to answer but they will accept "Oh that is just my penis sculpture. Can you please leave that alone because it is very fragile and I don't want it to get damaged. If you want to look at some pictures of penises I can get a book for us on them so you can see how they work!"

They will not and should not draw sexualized conclusions unless for some reason they got age inappropriate information at a young age and are still trying to work it out. The thing with kids is that they can handle information that is geared to their stage of development. Masturbatory advice is for puberty. Biology, physiology, and body image and boundaries is for pre-puberty. Same goes for answering questions when a "sex object" is found. When that kind of question crosses our adult mind, we are really dealing with our own reactions to looking at or considering purchasing a vibe or dildo. We could be feeling a mixture of excitement and adventure paired with fear and maybe even a little guilt. Exploration can bring all kinds of skeletons out of the closet! And it is important that we understand that it is our stuff that we are really concerned with ... not our kids'.

And remember to keep the answers to what was asked, not what your inner adult mind is reacting to.


Dear WomynAware;

Many menopausal women suffer from vaginal dryness causing the vagina to "shrink" which makes penetration very painful. I was wondering if this inflatable device that I saw - it's inserted small and pumped up to stretch the vagina and keep it in shape - would work for the odd times our old husbands are interested.  I can't find anything like that on your site.
Perhaps it is something you might think about for the ageing population.

Signed,  All Pause for the Cause of Menopause

Yes ... we can see how you might think an inflatable object might do the trick. But your challenge isn't really about a temporary stretch and, like most shortcuts, it's not going to offer a lasting, long term solution.
Besides, most inflatable objects are not made out of healthy materials and god forbid the pump decides to malfunction. The ones that we've reviewed claim medical results in the absence of regulatory scrutiny, which is always a red flag! We do have several suggestions that we are more confident about, these are: dilation exercises with progressive sizes of silicone dildos, Kegel exercises, lots of artificial lubrication prior to penetration, and foreplay.

For the dilation exercises, since Silicone is our favourite material, we suggest a nice medium density dildo on the smaller size of large that can be warmed up (by soaking it in hot water) and nicely lubed up (we have many lubricants to suggest) before use. Further, like any other sexual endeavour deserves, take your time!

Masturbation and relaxation can be an end in and of themselves, and might also go a long way toward preparing for penetration. We can suggest a wide range of medium density silicone dildos and various degrees of vibration to aid in the pursuit of sexual fitness! Medium density so that the product is forgiving to the pressure that the vaginal walls will deliver since a dense product will not allow for the walls to flex. Select a model that looks like it is in the comfortable range for you "as is" meaning before arousal and absent lubrication, then a model that is beyond that range but smaller than your husband's erect penis, then something beyond that range. With heat, added lubricant, relaxation, and the time to practice (a dildo doesn't grow impatient or lose interest :) you'll gain emotional confidence as you discover your comfortable penetrative range and what it takes to get there.

You might also consider doing Kegel exercises: contracting the muscles around something, gaining muscle control to move the object, and adding weight. See our Kegal Tutorial and
Vaginal Barbell pages for details. We feel that inflating the vagina (in the absence of the regular Kegel exercises) is a shortcut with no lasting results, whereas the Kegel exercising should prove beneficial, and should make the inflation unnecessary.

The Kegel exercises strengthen the vaginal muscles; this gives them more elasticity which is why they are helpful - elasticity is about contraction and expansion.  Regular Kegel exercising will keep the muscles flexible and helps to maintain healthy muscle mass and blood flow through the aging process.  The other aspect that makes them highly recommended is that learning how to isolate the PC muscle is important as it's one of the major muscles that you'll need to be able to relax enough to allow for penetration. Going to the Kegel gym will increase your awareness and control of this crucial muscle group.

You can combat your natural dryness with artificial lubricants. Don't be shy about using a lot! Stay away from ones that are too watery and thin! Of the water based lubes, we'd recommend Hathor. We are currently testing a silicone gel lubricant which seems very promising for offering a thick, slick ("oilier") alternative. If it passes our scrutiny, you will hear about it on our New! page.

Finally something that often doesn't get addressed ... foreplay. Foreplay (more precisely, sexual arousal) as a precurser to penetration can not be over emphasised! With arousal, the uterus lifts up into the pelvic cavity, leaving more room inside the vagina. Increased heart rate means more blood circulation which means more help for the muscles involved as the muscles will begin to relax with this increase in blood flow. A simple vibrator like the Mini Pearl or a couples' penetrative product such as the Liberty Bell (with Red Zinger vibe, recommended) can make all the difference in successful foreplay. Vibration promotes blood flow to the vagina as a whole, especially if it is used primarily on the clitoris. Some women find internal vibration to be useful but this is an individual preference and may or may not influence the ease of penetration (but if it feels pleasurable that is a good sign)!

Finaly, something we didn't list but shouldn't neglect to mention:
Education. The Menopause book is full of useful information for women who are pre, in or post menopausal. Practical, insightful and written with a mature women in mind this book is a gem.

Below are some other specific product suggestions...they cover the gamut in shape, size and colour so feel free to ask any questions you might have about them! Also note that there are lubricant suggestions and a great book that you might want to consider reading. It is geared towards women who are either entering, are experiencing or have moved through the menopause transition and it offers lots of interesting food for thought and practical advice.

This might take some time to read over all the links etc. So save this e-mail and research the products at your leisure...OR give us a call and order one of our Sex Toy Guides ($5) which comes with a $5 coupon towards your next purchase at Womyns'Ware and offers hours of reading enjoyment.

1) Our Very Own Exclusive Clit Capsule! This product will offer clitoral stimulation with or with out adding a vibrator! The little nubs come into contact right where they should and if vibration is of interest it can be purchased with a vibrator (it features a little vibrator housing in its base). It is medium density and it is a nice shape and size for easy insertion etc!

2) The Debutantes come in a wide range of colours and sizes and are on the discreet side of natural.

3) The Cupid dildo is a little more realistic in appearance but comes in a nice range of colour...take a look here.

4) Ladies Choice Dildos are a nice medium density realistic looking product that offers quite a range in terms of size and colour.

5) Lilith is a feisty little woman and comes in two sizes! She is pretty to look at and is medium density silicone. Pretty colours too!

6) Last but not least E-Rose comes in two sizes, offers nice colour selections and is medium density.

Don't forget the lube! There are lots to choose from so read carefully or try our K.I.S.S. bag (Keep it slippery sample bag) which provides 9 pillow packs of lubricant to experiment with plus one in 20 includes a special gift!

The Book...a great read!

We hope that this information proves to be useful. Good luck, and let us know if we can assist you further.



Dear Womyn Aware,

Is it true that anal sex makes the butt bigger?

Signed, Wondering Butt




Dear Womyn Aware,

I have seen a product on a competitor's website and I was wondering why you do not carry it and whether you might in the future. The product is designed by an FTM and is called the Mango Packer. The product is used for packing, but it enables the wearer to urinate standing up. I am interested in the product, but I would like to know more about it before I purchase it. I would also prefer to purchase it from a Canadian retailer (you). I understand that you are strict in the quality control of your product lines and would like to know what you think of this product, and whether there is a possibility of getting this or a similar product from you. Thank you for your assistance.

Signed, Oh Canada, I Stand On Guard To Pee



Dear Womyn Aware,

I am a youth outreach counsellor and am working with a youth who is a FTM transgender person. He has a "Packy Pocket" from Good Vibrations and is in need of another one. I have looked at it on their website and was wondering if you have a similar product as it would be better if he could get one closer to home (which is [in British Columbia]).

Signed, Keeping My Package Close to Home



Dear Womyn Aware,

I need your help. A while back I was told I was dealing with a problem called vaginismus. It was suggested that I try inserting "candles" into my vagina (not sure if you've heard of these). Well they worked (up to number 5), but they aren't very realistic. My doctor suggested buying a dildo from your site. She suggested the Amorist. Unfortunately I'm having a really hard time trying to use it. It's big, it doesn't have a narrow tip like the candles do and the silicone is hard to slide even with lube. So I'm getting frustrated. I'd like to know if you could suggest any other type of dildo or what size I should consider. Help! Signed, Is There a 'Vagina Doctor' In the House?

Thanks so much,
Signed, Vagina Doctor-Less



Dear Womyn Aware,

I've been looking for a dildo that was specifically made, or at least suitable, to be inserted and left in the vagina for a significant period of time (like for a few hours during work, for example). The dildos I've seen so far are either so straight and hard as to be painful (i.e. those horrible plastic vibes), or so big that normal walking around is extremely uncomfortable if not impossible, or just not shaped in an anatomically appropriate way. I want something not so big as to be impractical, but big enough that I know it's there with every move I make. Have you got any suggestions for me?

Thanks so much,
Signed, Extended Wear Mover & Shaker

Dear Womyn Aware,

Maybe penis woes are not the purview of Womyns'Ware (?) but here it goes ... I'm looking for a penis extension because I'm a transsexual male who has recently had a full phalloplasty, and during vaginal intercourse I'm finding that my penis slips out, partly because of the total length of my penis but partly because the phalloplasty resulted in a penis that is hard through the shaft but wobbly at the base. I saw the penis extension in the 'beware' section, but was wondering if you knew of any devices that are safe and happy. Or would an extension even be the best bet? Would it work better to find something to stabilize my penis at the base?

Signed, Are the Penis Extension Promises a "Penis Phallacy?



Dear Womyn Aware,

Love your website! We will be visiting Vancouver in July and I came across it as I was searching for interesting neighbourhoods -- Commercial drive is definitely on our list!

Maybe you can tell me about a device I've read about -- Eros Therapy, by Urometrics. Sounds like it might do this menopausal person some good, but the price ... yikes! What would it do better than some of your products? (besides damage to my visa card?)

Got any thoughts on this?
Signed Do I Need A Prescription For My Clit?



Dear Womyn Aware,

Hi! Love the site, especially the caveat emptor section. Haven't found anything like this in Britain. Keep it up. I was wondering if you have any information about the "silent" vibrators like the Whisper, Silencer and Silent Rocket. Basically I bought one of these recently and it was crap. I do think a silent vibe is a great idea, especially if (like me) you share a house with someone you're not having sex with, but getting hold of one is another matter. The one I bought was the Silencer, which is pink, ribbed and 7in long. It was advertised on [name has been omitted to 'protect the not so innocent' pick any of thousands upon thousands of internet sex shops fobbing off shoddy merchandise: editor's note, actually the name of the shop has been omitted to protect the customer from the off-chance that the shop recognizes the complaint and flames her] as "ultra powerful and totally silent yes silent!" I bought it and it sounds like a brick in a tumble dryer. I suppose it might be QUIET, relative to another vibe of the same size, and it seems reasonably sturdy and well made; I'm going to keep it, but it's not silent by any means.

Are there any silent vibrators AT ALL that you know of? I'm quite disappointed because even the Fun Factory, who are normally reliable, list the Generation II vibes as: Motor and elektronics - of the Generation II are built sturdy and are therefore extremely durable! These vibrators stay super quiet even when run at strongest vibration level! ­ and, charming English aside, this is just not true, their vibes can be heard from several rooms away when running at full speed. Why do advertisers always have to lie about their products, even the good quality products? Fridges have their noise levels listed in decibels nowadays, so vibe manufacturers ought to do the same (fat chance of that of course).

Ta very much for letting me vent!
Signed Silence is Golden



Dear Womyn Aware,

I was reading the label on my Hathor lube and saw "Propylene Glycol" in the ingredients. Isn't that antifreeze and what's up with that? I thought Hathor was all natural?

Signed My Private Parts Aren't Frozen Enough to Need Antifreeze



Dear Womyn Aware,

I'm confused by some information on your site. Your BuyersBeWomynAware section warns me against Nonoxynol-9 but then your Adult Play Toy cleaner contains it. Is there another way to clean latex toys?

Signed Nonoxoconfusion



Dear Womyn Aware,

You're not going to believe this one: while 200 ml of rain was falling on Vancouver and the Whistler corridor was flooded out, my house was on fire. At least I put the wife, kids, and pets ahead of the sex toy collection but now we've got a melted pile of toys and are wondering whether we can clean and repair any of them or do we chuck them out and start the collection all over again. Hope you can help.

Signed Hot Time Tonight



Dear Womyn Aware,

My wife and I have had a wonderful sex life up to about 18 months ago when she had a hysterectomy. She has seen her doctor but with little results. We still have a good sex life, but she would like to orgasm (she did most of the time before the operation). We thought that a vibrator might work or a combination of different toys, even a multi use toy. We sure don't want to spend a large amount on something that might not work, but we know cheap might be a real disappointment. Please be specific if you can come up with a suggestion.

Signed Ready for Rehab



Dear Womyn Aware,

I'm trying to figure out which, if any, sex toy works for dual penetration - vaginal and anal, same person, same time. All the toys advertised as doubles seem designed for two people instead of two holes in one! Is there such a toy?

Signed In Search of Double Happiness



Dear Womyn Aware,

I love your site and and the wealth of information it has offered! I was hoping you could do some research on the new toys made from "virgin grade polycabonate material", for example the one made by [INSERT ANY XXX ADULT INDUSTRY MEGACONGLOMERATE's Name]. Is this material safe? Do they use Phthalates? I did some research but haven't found much. Your team seems to get more in-depth info! I am staying away from Jellies and Cyberskin in my business, but need to offer something more than the Silicone, not everyone can afford it! So any help you could offer, I would greatly appreciate it! Thank you very much for your time and keep up the good work!

Signed A Fellow Sex Shop Operator


Dear Womyn Aware,

Help! I bought a vibe a few months ago and now there's greenish crud in the battery compartment and the power is erratic! Is this a manufacturer's defect? If not, what can I do about it?

Signed Questioning the Crud



Dear Womyn Aware,

I was hoping to find a lubricant that would be helpful to conception. I have read over and over that the common lubricants (e.g. Astroglide and KY) inhibit sperm mobility. I realize that I shouldn't rely on lubricant alone for pregnancy prevention-that's not my interest, I'm trying to conceive so I'd like to know if there are any lubes that are actually sperm-friendly.

Signed  Cheerleading the Little Swimmers



Dear Womyn Aware,

I'm interested in buying some nipple clamps but first I need to know how well clamps work on women like myself whose nipples aren't very sensitive to begin with. Do nipple clamps increase sensitivity in nipples that are difficult to stimulate or are clamps better for women whose nipples are already easily excited? And what would be the best for a women like myself who has fairly large nipples?

Signed Nips Looking For Tips



Dear Womyn Aware,

We’re two older women of size who are intrigued by the idea of strap-on sex. We’ve never tried any toys before but the strap-on idea is turning our crank. We’re afraid that it might turn something else that it’s not supposed to, though, as we both have back and knee problems. Do you think a strap-on will work for us and what do we need to know?

Signed Bodacious Old Babes


Dear Womyn Aware,

I am looking for something for my partner, an attractive, slim, 27 year old heterosexual woman, and I don’t have a clue where to start.

Signed No Clue



Dear Womyn Aware,

I’ve been having increasing discomfort during penetrative sex. Both my toy and my partner seem to cause a burning sensation. I don’t have any STD’s, or any other condition (according to my doctor) that would cause pain, but I am definitely not imagining it. Is there anything you could suggest?

Signed Painfully Awaiting a Response



Dear Womyn Aware,

I purchased a dildo from your store about 4 months ago (the "Jonah") It is a great dildo but it is about 1/2 inch too wide for me in diameter. I wish I had gone for the Rex II but like the previous writer to your column, I just didn't do enough research before buying it and just thought it looked like the best one for me.  Being on a budget, spending another $99 is a fair bit to me, so I will make do with what I have, for now anyway. But my question is: will using a too-large dildo affect the shape/width/tightness of my vagina permanently? If you know the answer to that one, please let me know. I know about Kegels, but I am still not sure if that is the whole answer.

Signed Loose Lips Sink Ships



Dear Womyn Aware,

I've been thinking of purchasing your G-Force dill, but I already have the Rex dill. I checked the size descriptions and the Rex and G-Force are the same length and thickness. But those ridges on the G-Force tempt me. Is there a significant difference in sensation between Rex and G-Force to justify spending another $99 Canadian or will one end up being redundant? Also, how does the cheaper Hot Rod or Atomic Disintegrator compare with the G-Force?

Signed Frugal But Not Cheap



Dear Womyn Aware,

HELP! I bought a dildo that seems to be too big! I can’t get it in. What can I do? I am very disappointed. It looked like the right pick in the store so I grabbed it, paid, and rushed home and couldn’t wait to use it. Now I’m left high and dry.

Signed How Do I Pick A Dick?

Dear Womyn Aware,

Remember me? I wrote to you previously about penetrating my husband with a dildo and harness. You were right. The role change with me penetrating him was and continues to be a great turn on. That hasn't meant I've forgotten your aside comment about adding clitoral stimulation while wearing my new harness. In fact, I can't stop thinking about it! Will you tell me how to do this?

Signed Clit Curious



Dear Womyn Aware,

I am a Lesbian just out of a long-term (16 years) relationship and I've got sex on my mind (safe, of course) but I'm shy. How do I overcome my inhibitions without using drugs or alcohol?

Signed Scared but Eager



Dear Womyn Aware,

I have a problem and I hope you can help. My girlfriend and I have a large sex toy collection of which we are very proud. Most recently we bought a Magic Carpet (I assume that you know about this clit-rub rug). We love it, it works great. Here is the problem, though, ... when I have the carpet in the harness I find that my pubic hairs get caught. Just as things really get rolling I suffer a rather nasty yank and have to stop and readjust things only to have this occur again all too soon. This is not the first time I have experienced this sort of hair agony disruption. Often when my partner is penetrating me while wearing a dildo and harness I will experience a blood curdling pull as my hair becomes tangled in the ring and/or snaps holding the ring in place on the harness. Not only do my yelps ruin the mood for my girlfriend and put her on edge, the pain is not the sort I enjoy. For days after I'm sensitive where the pull has occurred. Both I and my girl friend are so distracted about the inevitable rip to come that it is difficult to let things unfold in a natural way. We have a coil style vibrator and the attachments have from time to time also posed a problem. This is wreaking havoc on my masturbatory endeavours as well. Even toyless sex is uncomfortable at times. My girlfriends jewelry gets caught when she tries to slide her hand into my pants for a hot impromptu quickie and instead of watching my vocal volume level increase due to the passion, I'm trying not to scream from pain in the department store change room. Do we get rid of all our accessories or what?

Signed Yelping at the Yanking



Dear Womyn Aware,

My husband saw a letter on your website about anal penetration that really interested him. At first, we tried what you suggested on me but one thing led to another and the next thing you know: it was my hubby who was being penetrated. He REALLY liked the prostate stimulation and now wants to have me use a strap-on. I'm game, but not having been born with the equipment, I'm not sure how to go about "doing the doing", if you know what I mean. Any tips?

Signed: Virgin Doer



Dear Womyn Aware,

My husband and I want to try anal sex but we can't get past the head of his penis. Any further and I'm in pain. Should we stop? Is this nature's way of saying "fuggedaboudit"?

Signed: There's A Will But Is There No Way?



Dear Womyn Aware,

I think that there is something wrong with my current lover. No matter what great moves I do she doesn't get wet. She insists that she is sexually aroused but I think she must be saying that to make me feel better since she's still as dry as can be. I don't want to have to use KY if I can avoid it and besides, if she isn't wet, I figure she really isn't into sex anyhow. Any suggestions?

Signed: Dry as a Desert



Dear Womyn Aware,

I am planning (secretly) to break-up with my girlfriend. The only thing that is keeping me with her right now is that we have a huge sex toy collection and I'm worried about what will happen to the toys on the split. Do you have any suggestions?

Signed: On-the-Way-Out



Dear Womyn Aware,

I'm out of town on business frequently and I want to leave a dildo behind for my girlfriend to use (she likes penetration a lot) so that she has someone safe to play with while I'm gone. I snuck in to a sex shop but all I saw were giant "dongs" in so called flesh colour. I asked an experienced friend what she thought and she told me that her dildo picked up scent pretty quickly and broke down soon too, so I'm not sure what to get my girlfriend. Can you help?

Signed: When the Cat's Away the Mouse Will Play



Dear Womyn Aware,

I've done my reading about safe, sane, and consensual S/M play and I'm ready to purchase a flogger. Can you tell me a good information source or give me some advice?

Signed: Willing to Whip



Dear Womyn Aware,

I have a new lover and I want to buy a dildo and harness to impress her but I don't know what she would like. How do I choose? I really like her and want her to think I know what I'm doing, so don't tell me to ask her.

Signed: Looking Good But Not Necessarily Womyn Aware

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