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Tantalizing Tabloid Toy Tales

We must be famous! Because a sure sign of fame has got to be that Womyns'Ware was ambushed into participating in a sex toy drama on tabloid television (City Pulse). We suppose we ought to be flattered, but seriously folks, our fear is that tabloid coverage stigmatizes sex toys, ignoring the serious issues in favour of fear mongering. In this case, by creating yet another unwarranted urban myth about sex toys gone bad.

The story in question aired on City Pulse on CityTV (a local Vancouver-based station) under the guise of consumer protection. The essence of the consumer issue was (or at least, ought to have been) the misuse of batteries and the consequences of, among other things, inserting them improperly into any electronic device. Unfortunately, batteries aren't tantalizing, and they don't make for a very compelling teaser, so the story focused instead on the improper insertion of batteries into a SEX TOY (ooh…ahh), which then metamorphosed into "The Attack of the Dangerous Rabbit Habit!" It turns out that running an electronic device on one active battery when it was designed to run on three will eventually overheat the overburdened single battery until it corrodes, leaking battery acid. While the audio gave lip service to the fact that this could happen with any electronic device, every visual teaser, promo, and lead-in showed the lurking Rabbit Habit vibe. The segment started with a hokey warning to viewers that the story involved sex toys, so they might feel it was necessary to "leave the room"(!). And the segment closed with the news anchor saying, unchallenged, that it was "easy to poke fun at a story like this". Sheesh! Since we would hope that the implication isn't that it's easy to poke fun at someone hurting themself with battery acid, nor at the possible consequences of misuse of batteries, we're guessing that Tabloid TV finds sex toys and people who use them easy to make fun of.

Which is precisely why we were so reluctant to participate in the story in the first place. You see us on camera talking about adding a caution to customers regarding proper battery installation, and recounting from experience what a remote risk this represents. What you don't see is our explaining just HOW remote the risk is, based on ten years of experience selling high-end cameras and other electronics, and eight years selling vibrators. Nor do you see us talking about other battery-related mishaps with electronics that are NOT sex toys. You also don't see our increasing frustration as it becomes apparent that the story isn't going to assist consumers in the safe use of batteries at all, and that instead the story is going to scream "Watch out for sex toys!" Let's face it, a person improperly inserting batteries into their Walkman isn't news; but put those batteries into a sex toy, and you can build a whole extra chunk of viewing audience around it. What a shame.

Rest assured, we don't view the issue as trivial. What's trivial is when sex toys are a ratings week draw in a story that ought to have been about batteries. For your consumer protection, here's some general information on battery use:

1) To protect consumers from misuse, batteries come with a printed warning. The ones we sell say: "CAUTION: may explode or leak if recharged, inserted improperly, mixed with different battery types or disposed of in fire".

2) Coupled with that warning, electronic devices (including all the vibrators we sell) come with diagrams indicating proper battery orientation.

3) The reason that this is important is because electrical devices are designed to operate with a certain amount of electricity (current, measured in amps) delivered at a certain "pressure" (voltage, measured in…um…volts). Properly manufactured batteries, installed properly, generate the right amount of current at the right voltage. If you operate an electrical device with too little electricity, something's gotta give. Most of the time, what gives is the device: it doesn't work. But no actual damage occurs in the vast majority of these cases. SOMETIMES, what gives is the battery; the poor thing literally kills itself trying to meet the current draw. Then you have a very dead, very messy battery. Note to electrical engineers and hobbyists: yes, we know this is grossly oversimplified.

4) This is a complete summary of the operation of our vibrator inventory (refereed to in the City Pulse story as the email that we sent the consumer reporter):

Here's what we found:
There are 86 different models of vibrator in our current sexual product inventory. Of those, 78 will NOT operate if the batteries are inserted incorrectly.

Of the 8 that can operate with incorrect battery installation, 5 are models where the motor is self-contained within a silicone hollow, and a silicone base shields the user from any contact with the battery compartment. Battery leakage, should it occur, would be very unlikely to come into contact with the user.

Of the remaining 3 models, 2 will only operate with incorrect battery installation in one configuration. In other words, of the 9 possible configurations for misinstalling the batteries, only one results in continued operation of the vibrator, though the operation is not at full operating capacity. In fact, the units perform so sluggishly that a user would certainly suspect that there was a problem with the vibrator. Additionally, it is difficult to insert the batteries incorrectly with these 2 models; the connection springs pop out when the batteries are inserted incorrectly.

Only the 1 remaining model (the Fukuoku, already featured on our Buyer-Be-WomynsWare feature readily operates with improperly inserted batteries.

Clearly, this survey helped us understand why Womyns'Ware has only ever heard of *one* instance where improperly inserted batteries were blamed for battery corrosion, despite the hundreds of thousands of vibrator sales that we have made since 1995. Essentially, the possibility is so remote that there is no conclusive evidence (either from customer feedback or from an examination of our entire vibrator inventory) that vibrators are inherently dangerous or that incorrect battery installation poses an actual risk to users.

Oh, and by the way, the Rabbit Habit thrashing around on the screen? It's from the highly reputable vibrator distributor Vibratex, the principals of which have indicated that they would be glad to field any questions users might have about proper operating conditions with this or any of their fine products. Nonetheless, if you feel any lack of confidence in your ability to follow battery insertion instructions, you should consider purchasing one of the 78 models we carry that will not operate with improperly installed batteries.


Womyns'Ware Inc. (Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada)